Tuesday, 12 June 2012

50 shades of grey...... nonsense (Trilogy review)

So by my title I am sure you already know my thoughts on the shades of grey trilogy everyone is raving about. I only read the first book because the media sensationalised it and hailed it as the next coming. Romance/ soft porn isn't really my thing but I have read a few classics so hey ho. When I found out about the next two books, I decided to hold off my opinion and read all three for an all round view of the story.

I am an avid reader with a very broad range in terms of genres but this is the limit. I hate when rubbish writers get fame and acclaim they are not worthy of. I am actually sad to say the author is British because it’s really bad. I don't even know where to start, it’s all so ridiculous. I suppose it is the whole in times of economic crisis erotica sales pick up thing that made this book sell. I know it is fiction but FML!!!
 The fact that the rights to the movie has already supposedly been sold for several millions is laughable. Maybe this will be one of those times when the movie is Way better than the book!

Anyway the book is about protagonists Anastasia Steele, a 21 year old very green and wet behind the ears graduate. She is swept off her feet by Christian Grey. A “super hot” ginger gazinllionaire business man with a dark past and edge to him (Heathcliff undertones me thinks), who just happens to be a sadomasochist. The trilogy goes on to document the couples sex life, "kinky fuckery" as described in the book which swings between vanilla sex and the male leads love of inflicting pain. The books delve into Anastasias sexual awakening and her surprise at the life her “boyfriend” leads. I wasn't shocked by the sex scenes and in most apart from the hard core elements in the red room (slight spoiler alert) I wasn't moved or shocked. Oh handcuffs and a flogger you crazy depraved bastards! -_- yawn. There were indeed a few scenes in each book where I was definitely like ewwww... *spoiler* (tampon scene) that would not be happening.
The books lost me intellectually very early on but as I wanted to review it, I continued.

Not only is this book disturbing in terms of a young naive girl being controlled and mistaking it for love. It uses sex (badly) to plaster over any issues they face and as a replacement for conversation (perhaps because the writer/ story is shit?).  The author does not really explore the relationship between dominants (masters) and their submissives. The books are filled with gasps, breathy “oh mys”, holy cows and a stupid amount of repetition - muy boring- like really?
Most of the other male characters in the book seem to be in love with Anastasia (riiiighhht) and all the women drool over Christian (okkkkkkkay). The plot of the story is rather weak and archetypal, it follows the age old intimidating, damaged, brooding slightly overbearing man and innocent, unworldly, sweet, naïve/ dumb, virginal younger damsel who is balm to sooth his broken soul. <----I have just made it sound good. lol. This is really just a flimsy excuse to link each sex scene.

Considering so much word space is spent on the sex scenes you would think they would be better.
I found most of the sex scenes meh  (for lack of a better word) but repetitive and trust me there are many of them! A few were eye opening, in terms of looking in on what other people deem to be “sexy” but it’s like the author found her mums stash of Mills and Boons at 10 and got addicted.

Anastasia's excessive weakness and low self esteem is very troubling and conflicts with the author’s vision for the reason she is right for Christian grey. I can’t even begin to express my thoughts on her conscience dubbed her "inner goddess" because no, I just can’t even. Let us just move on.
I didn't connect with Anastasia as a character/ human. I found her incredibly foolish and weak willed. Just when she was about to grow a back bone lo and behold she would crumble. I thought she portrayed everything that she was supposedly fighting against in her relationship to some degree or other. Her excessive need to please and apologise for every move and breathing I found irritating. What has been described as the complexity of the 2 characters relationship just left me a bit baffled. Christian needs to be seeing more than a head doctor with all of those mood swings. His character admittedly is more interesting than Anastasias one dimensional one but he is still as dry as medicinal toast.

In the right hands this could have been an excellent story. There are the foundations of a good story but it has not been worked on enough. The last book is the best and really becomes less eye stabbing 3/4 of the way through. I am unsure if the author meets the standards expected by readers of the erotic genre but for me it was not great, in terms of characters, development, plot and language. The only good thing about this book for me was it highlighting that child abuse can manifest itself in adults in various ways if not dealt with effectively and is suppressed or left to fester. Also the author made some money so well done, even if your book is crappy.

Madame Bovary or Lady Chatterley it ain't but if you’re looking for a mediocre story with a basic plot where you can be wrapped in mind numbing nonsense that will send you to sleep in 7 minutes then et voilà!

Luckily I was given the ebooks, so no money lost just a few hours of my life thrown into the æther. I can’t be the only person who doesn't like the series surely? Maybe it’s me but I like my "guilty pleasures" a little bit more decadent. I won’t be giving this book any stars, simply because it feels kinder to give no stars than a sixteenth of a star.

Deeply unimpressed 
Stephanie aka Wednesdays Girl

Don't forget to come find me and    


  1. Sounds like twilight with ample semen...its sanusi btw :-D...see...i read your stuff..

    1. Lol hey, hey, hey Sanusi, thanks 4 stopping by dude! Honestly it’s not great, putting aside the mild meh porno descriptions and dull repetitive imagery. It is the writing or lack of writing finesse that gets me. She did say she read the Twatlight series and did it as an extension. Urrgghh Shakespeare should rise up from the dead, bitch slap all these authors and their pale imitations of Romeo and Juliet.