Sunday, 8 April 2012

Is it ever ok to be the mistress?

I was having this talk with my friends over dinner last week and it has turned into a battle which has been raging for days.

Is it ever ok to be that elusive other woman?

For me it was a very definite NO. Unintentionally you get a bly but if you willing do that then most definitely not. I have a feeling its going to be a LOOOONG one so sit back and get comfy!

Never will I intentionally be a mistress. I don't often say never but this is not an option for me. I am of the thoughts that if I don't dip my hand in your honey pot then don't put your hand in my candy jar.

via pinterest

For me it is all about respect. Full stop end of. Even if you don't rate that other girl whose man you are creeping with rate yourself. Several people are being sacrificed for the pleasures of the few.

I will never be the chick that spoils his wife/ girlfriends illusions, he can do that all on his own. I won't be the woman that gives him an excuse to be a weekend dad. If you have time to be out and about with your extra curricular lady, you have time to be home with your family. I will definitely not be a contributing factor to him not being home to read his kids bedtime stories every night. Most of all I really don't have the urge to massage dudes ego into think he is the shit. Because really he is just a shit. I am not a part time hobby, nor am I second best. I am not a rough and ready fumble before taking conciliatory flowers home to the Mrs. I am more,I expect more, I demand more.

This debate got really heated as you can imagine. A few odd looks in the restaurant lol but we kept it classy don't worry. A few guys were trying to bring valid arguments to a nonsensical situation. A friend of mines argument was if you can get away with it, then why not? What you don't know won't hurt you. OK at this point I am like errr  what ? What about when you bring home your rank fire crotch full of STDS and god knows what else, what then? What do you say then? It is easy to say sorry after you are satiated but was that random chick worth what you will lose?

via Tumblr

I got beauty, I got heart ,keep my head in dem books I'm sharp
 but you don't care to know I'm smart - King B

At this point if you can believe it, 3 men from the next table who were listening and rolling their eyes like ahh the untainted ideologies of the youth, waded in.

 Lets call them Ginger, Golden oldie and 3 piece suit. Golden oldie threw in the old as time "we have been married for xyz years and she doesn't understand me ". *sighs deeply I am sure she doesn't understand why your are out chasing Friday night fanny, with your ring tan line on display. After she gave you the best years of her life  and destroyed her body pushing out your big headed progeny! (there were 5 of them, he showed us his pics after). Do you understand her even? Round one to me then.

Ginger at this point flings in "well what if we have grown apart? we are companions more than anything now"
Mwahahahaaa stop it mate! I am sure you and your girlfriend have grown apart sunshine. If you are out chasing gyal (yes I said gyal) and displaying wildly inappropriate behaviour to recapture your misspent youth. If you are companions, why don't you ask for an open relationship? I am sure she is raring to go and jump some new guys herself! He didn't like that one lol. seemed a bit affronted at the idea as a woman behaving in the same way as him. Sells of male privilege and misogyny. The reason is forgiveness is way easier to come by than permission. It is unlikely to end well.

3 piece suit's argument was that a mistress was like a motor bike a hobby (yes let us compare women to inanimate objects). Something to relieve tension before heading home to the family. "The key is to find a woman who understands your situation and is willing to accept it, If not lie" . In my opinion a motorbike would be a lot cheaper and less deadly. For me this was worst of all. This justification was so cold hearted, ridiculous and vile. Why even consider leaving his wife if he could have his cake, have your pie and go around the corner for next womans muffin. I am sure there are some exceptions to the rule but I don't know a lot of women who would ever want to play second fiddle. To accept whole heartedly that this is your future and it wont progress on any terms least of all hers.

I am of the school that karma is the biggest and baddest bitch. You will lose him as you found him and really was he worth it?

To me some things are black and white, there is no grey area. Have people forgotten that you can easily leave if you don't want to be there any more. I accept there are some situations you cant leave but kids are not one of them!  Don't hide behind your kids, because he didn't think of them when he was out fucking about and visa versa. A child will be happier in home where the parents are at peace and happy. I would rather be happy on my own than become a person I didn't like, needy, edgy, clingy and no longer trusting. If that ever happened to me I would be gone, I would not stay and teach my daughters that it is ok for a man to mistreat you and my sons that it is cool to disrespect women. No thank you.  Golden oldies youngest child is late 30's and he is still chillin at home getting his hot meals. The heartache of a break up is fleeting in comparison to shattering somebodies life and homes. Frankly I have to much pride and even if I loved him to the depths of my soul and it would hurt me to go, it would damage much more to stay.

Thems be my thoughts from a females perspective. What do you think?

 Until next time,

Stephanie aka Wednesdays Girl

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