Where you lead, I won't follow

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I am nobodies sheep, I am my own shepherd.

Isn't it funny how the same bullshit happens all the time?  I am growing bored of unoriginality and dumb drama. I  was having a discussion with one of my oldest friend a few days ago about a similar situation that happened to both of us.

I have never been that chick that follows a man here there and everywhere. I have my own stuff going on, I am very independent. Sometimes fiercely so. I have no issues being alone in fact sometimes I enjoy it. I very much believe that you have to like yourself and know who you are as 1 before becoming 2.

While at university a guy I was dating had the opportunity to travel for work and go to America for 6 months. We weren’t serious just dating having fun and getting to know each other. When I heard this news I was so happy for him. He didn’t have the position he wanted but this was a gate way to better things.  He didn’t go to uni or  a good college so he was having a hard time finding a position he wanted and had started pretty low down. As we all know these days you need a few A levels to be a dust bin man and a masters to work in Tescos, times are hard. More responsibility meant he would be noticed. I was so happs for him it was unreal; I love to see people going places.

He asked me to go along with him. Not for a visit or maybe a week or two but the whole time. To do what twiddle my thumbs? It wasn't possible or a consideration as nice an offer as it was. It was my second year of uni and I had serious exams and things planned.  Can't get up and leave for that long just to keep you company, sorry mate. As soon as he heard that no everything changed.  Suddenly I didn’t support him, I was uppity - who even says that anymore?!, Reading books gave me ideas (isn't that the point?)..... All kinds of shit was cascading forth from his mouth!

This totally came out of the blue. Now anyone who knows me knows I don’t take kindly to people talking all kinds of shit to me, especially unfounded. My temper does not allow for that kind of disrespect to occur without backlash. As my mother says I don't entertain that kind of nonsense. First of all Mother fucker, who even suggested that you  pitch to be part of the team that is going to America? Who sat for endless hours listening to you whine? WHO trained your bitch ass and coached you? ME, uppity no. Level headed and proud of who I am and what I will and have achieved without a flipping doubt.

I wasn’t about to sit there and apologise for saying no, thinking of myself and the reality of the situation G.T.F.O.H! Safe to say I immediately terminated that situation. I am not sheep; I don't follow blindly simply because I have been lead in that direction. I had a plan and I intended to stick to it. Why am I failing my degree for some dude? Some dude I might add that was sent home after 2 months and later given the boot for his stupidity. I could go on about this fool but I don't want to promote his tales of dumb fuckery. He bombarded me with apologies and still "checks in" to this day. Shit really does stick eh?  I have had this number for a good 10 years I don’t intend to change it so feck orrf.

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My friend is going through a similar sitc. Her boyfriend of 3 months has just been offered a 10 month placement in Russia and he wants her to up root her life and come with him. Problem is she has just landed her dream job. In this current economic climate it is rare to find your dream job that pays well and has great benefits. Now she is kinder than me because she actually tried to see if her company had a branch where he is going ... they don't. He has basically given her an ultimatum, come or we are done. What happened to long distance? What happened to visits?  What happened to compromise? I can't stand people who try to impose and bend you to their will. Relationships are about give and take. No? I mean honestly what is he giving you in return? They are fresh, still new; they are not long term, stable, married or engaged. Their connection on a real is flimsy and at the first hurdle he has failed. What if she can't find work? Love may be fire for the soul but it doesn’t feed ANYONE. Before you know it he resents her for being dead weight and not contributing. Then shacks up with some local talent called Rulenska who makes him Borsch each night.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I have learnt that you need a contingency plan. I have an idea of who I am and who I want to be. I have goals and ideas of  what needs to be achieved personally. I am a person that would try to  incorporate my potential other half’s hopes and dreams if I became a we. What I will never do is follow someone to the end of the earth to pursue their dreams and then neglect my own. I won't selflessly kill myself to support him while I teeter on the edge of a precipice. If you don’t hold my dreams with your own or in consideration, we really have nothing to say.

There are a lot of I's above but It is not selfish to love and hold yourself and dreams in high regard. It is ok to know who you are want to and achieve. Don’t let people take that away from you. What I have said may sound negative but if you don't look after yourself, who will?  I have seen so many people proudly go down that road only to return a broken shell of themselves. Sometimes you have to learn from your own mistakes but this is a time I would suggest learning from others.

Why am I always writing you lot essays?

Toodles
Stephanie aka Wednesdays Girl

xoxo